You must be very excited to know that you are going to spend the rest of your lives together with your best friend. In your asking for advice you seek on successful relationships, I would like to offer of different aspects of interpersonal communication, from a c lass am taking, to help you understand both yourself, and each other.
Here are a few of the learning outcomes I feel will be useful and should, if applied, help you with any problems you may have. You two are always in my prayers. Uncle Chris. Identify the barriers to effective interpersonal interactions. There can be bumps in the road when it comes to some relationships. Not only do we need to hear our partners voice, is important that we listen to what they are saying. Miscommunication can occur and be a key problem. Three common communication problems in relationships stem from the following behaviors of one or both parties: (1) silence or refusing to communicate; (2) placating, which means to soothe or calm someone by being nice or by giving in to demands; and (3) playing games. (Sole, K. (201 1)9. 1, puppy). It can be easy to assume that our partner is going to know how we are going to react within a given situation. Arguments and misunderstandings do not need to happen and by being aware that there is a problem can help you identify how to handle the situation.
By remaining silent, one person is showing that they are either angry or hurt but over a prolonged period of time this can create confusion and tension, making matters worse. “People most commonly resort o silence when they are angry and/or hurt, when they are unable to communicate their feelings, or when they want to punish their partner. ” (as cited in Ukuleles, 2010). Placating is not healthy for the relationship either, and by doing this, you are trading feelings by telling them what they want to hear, or buckling in some way to make them happy. Over time, placating can suffocate your identity and diminish your sense of self-worth. ” (as cited in Hammed, 2008). Not all placating is bad. In fact it can be very useful should certain situations arise. You may find yourself in a situation where someone has become violent or angry. Placating can keep you safe in such a situation, but it is not a long-term strategy for a good relationship because it can mask your feelings and postpone your expression of them. ” (Sole, K. (2011 )9. 1, puppy). I only recommend placating, should the situation arise where it would be needed, but not on a regular basis.
We have all been hurt by somebody or have caused somebody to hurt. Playing games or messing with somebody mind is not an effective way to communicate what you are really feeling. “A game is a dysfunctional way of communicating, and it is a negative pat tern of interacting that can develop between people. ” (Sole, K. 201 1)9. 1 , puppy). By playing games, no one wins. It is imperative to have open and honest communication throughout, in order to avoid problems. People resort to these methods of communication barriers out of confusion, and hurt, and spite. Resentment also can play a big part.
Resorting to these methods of behavior can lead to the discarding of a relationship. “When discord enters a relationship, you tend to weigh the reward of trying to fix the problem against the costs in time and effort associated with working through the issue. At times, you might also weigh staying in the relationship against the costs of ending it. ” (Sole, K. 2011 ) 9. 1, IPPP 6). By taking responsibility for your own actions before blaming others, any barriers that may be causing ineffective communication can be knocked down, thus eliminating any future problems.
Just remember to be honest and compassionate when attempting to communicate with each other and without honesty, the trust factor diminishes. Describe the process by which self-concept is developed and maintained. In looking to understand your significant other, you first have to know and understand yourself, as an individual. Take the time to make sure each of you are aware of your own beliefs, and do your best to try and remember that tot of you have your own personal identity. “Your identity is a consistent set Of attitudes that defines who you are.
If you accept and like yourself, in spite of your faults and failings, you will be more likely to carry a positive attitude into your interpersonal communication with others. If you accept yourself as you are, you will be more likely to accept others as they are. ” (Sole, K. (201 1)3. 5, IPPP). That is important if you wish to maintain good interpersonal communication skills with others. Self- identity is what makes you, the individual, so special. Maintaining a positive self-image can result in a Geiger feeling of self- worth.
Self-esteem can be defined by its ‘two primary components: a sense of self-efficacy or your personal effectiveness and a sense of your personal worth and self-respect. ” (Sole, K. (2011 )3. 5, IPPP). By surrounding yourself with people who are positive influences, you stand a better chance of maintaining a positive self-image. “How ever, your self- concept, self-image, and self-esteem are not destiny. You can build your self- image and your self-esteem by successful experiences. ” (Sole, K. (2011 )3. 5, IPPP). Each time you have a positive experience, you are bound to continue o feel good about yourself.
If you feel good about yourself, Positive things are likely to happen to you. Your attitude towards a given situation, will most likely decide its outcome. “Psychologist Carl Jung, one of the founders of modern psychology, claimed that every person has natural inclinations and preferences for what he called the four basic psycho logical functions of thinking, feeling, sensation, and intuition,” (as cited in Jung, C. G. (CIA 921] 1971 Be mindful of these functions. They are important if you are to understand individual temperaments. Above all, remember this. Life is not a popularity notes and the only person you have to impress is yourself.
If you cannot be happy with yourself, how can you expect somebody else to be happy with you? By taking the time to become a little more self-aware “one can increase the ability to communicate with yourself, and with others. ” (Sole, K. (201 1)3. 5, Develop strategies for active, critical, and empathic listening. We IPPP). Often hear what is being said, but do we take the time to honestly focus when someone is pleading for advice or help? Hearing is not the same as listening. Listening to someone is as important as communicating with them. You cannot have one without the other. To listen, you must be fully focused on the other person and engaged in a process that involves six components: (1) motivating yourself to listen, (2) clearly hearing the message, (3) paying attention to the message, (4) correctly interpreting the message, (5) evaluating the message, and (6) remembering and responding appropriately. ” (as cited in Adair, 2003). Sometimes this does not happen naturally. Sometimes making contact with people on an intellectual level takes a little work, especially if one of the parties involved in the conversation does not now where the other is coming from. Loud think that if there was any question to be asked you could do just that and ask, especially if it is something you do not understand. “You cannot understand others, respond appropriately to what they say, and provide helpful feedback if you have not listened. ” (Sole, K. (201 1)7. 3, Pl 72). Being an effective listener to someone and offering feedback, you develop trust between you and that person. “Romantic relationships begin with a lot of sharing and excitement but as time goes on, there are factors that can push the relationship to the backbencher. ” Schoenberg, N. 201 1, Jan 17).
Effective listening skills and communication can play big into how the message was conveyed and received. Be sure to keep an open mind, and try to gain something from the speaker. Maintaining eye contact can help you focus on what is being said, therefore enabling a better understanding of the speaker’s intended message. Being able to actually hear the speaker can make a big difference too. “If there is a great deal of external noise in the communication environment, or if you are focused on something in your own experience (Internal noise) and cannot give the speaker your full attention, it is impossible to be an effective listener. (Sole, Pl 74). If you are in a situation where you cannot hear or effectively listen to the speaker, and are in a position to go somewhere other than where you are at, make an attempt to do so. By doing so, you are putting yourself in a better position where you can clearly hear the message, and are not having to rely solely on body language and have to guess what the other person is speaking about Getting bits and pieces can cause confusion, and if there is confusion than you are not listening effectively, and have to resort to drawing your own conclusions room the fragments you have been given.
Based on past experiences maybe ” you have learned to associate Somers failure to make eye contact when they talk to you as evidence that they are lying. Thus, if someone does not make eye contact with you, you may immediately suspect that he or she is being untruthful. ” (sole, K. (201 1 )7. 3, 74). This can cause a problem, especially if the person you are speaking to has given you no reason not to trust them. That is why it is important to have a clear line of communication. Taking the time to evaluate the message, based on what information has en given to you, should allow you to decide on how you might respond.
Sometimes when we are listening to somebody, “we may already be making a judgment about what he or she is saying or planning our response. This premature evaluate Zion gets in the way of listening. ” (Sole, K. (2011)7. 3, puppy). Find that I tend to remember a situation that may have been in the past and the other person is going through and speaking to me about, and find myself in an empathetic listening situation. Find myself making “a deliberate attempt to connect with another person and to put yourself in his or her hoes or provide a supportive listening environment. Imagining yourself, in their position, and how you would want someone to listen to you, is important because it allows the speaker the ability to see that you actually understand what they are speaking about. “Empathic listening requires that you demonstrate a willingness to be nonjudgmental and to listen openly to the speaker’s thoughts and feelings. ” (Sole, K. (201 1)7. 3, Pl 76). Plus it also reassures them that you have a grasp Of what they are talking about and can relate to it. By taking the time to listen the first time and hear what is being aid can save quite a bit of miscommunication in the future.
Understand how perceptions, emotions, and nonverbal expression affect interpersonal relationships. We need to be aware of how we communicate and express ourselves through body language and our behavior. These are vital in having good interpersonal relationships. “Perception checking simply means asking questions to clarify that your interpretation of a message is correct and that the meaning you created was the same meaning the other person intended. ” (Sole, K. (201 1 )3. 4, IPPP Let us say Lens comes home from work, and is ere tired and cranky because she did not have an adequate amount of sleep the night before.
She has found herself in a frame of mind that she would not normally be in, and conveys an attitude that she would not normally convey. Chris is on the receiving end of this attitude, and is not aware of the condition that she is in. He interprets this as something he is doing wrong, by drawing his own conclusions without consulting her regarding the situation. He finds himself reading into the situation, and he begins to become emotional over it. “Information and stimuli in the environment occur at a physical level; forever, interpretation occurs at a psychological level” (Sole, K. (2011)3. 3, IPPP).
Sometimes it is not easy to read into the situation, without trying to understand the reasoning behind any hostilities shown. This is not a personal attack, and needs to understand with the right amount of rest, she will find herself in a better frame of mind and will be easier to communicate with. “Perception is the process of acquiring, interpreting, and organizing information that comes in through your senses. ” (Sole, K. (201 1)3. 3, IPPP). Chris drew his own conclusion, from what he interpreted, as opposed to what was really happening. The disgruntled and unhappy attitude that Lens emitted caused this.
Any time there is a misunderstanding, do your best to take the time to just ask, instead of assuming. Once again if you are not any situation where you can sit down and talk, try not to get emotional or take it personally. Answers to your questions will presented in time, and with little patience you will be able to listen more effectively. “As you examine the aspects of voice and body language that people use to communicate, think about personal characteristics of your own voice and the visual signs you use regularly in interpersonal communication. (Sole, K. (2011 )5. , Pl 17). By being aware of how you are communicating to others, can help you get a better grasp of your awareness on how you are listening to them. The use of nonverbal communication in a negative way can strain the relationship and cause misunderstandings that can be solved through showing an act of compassion and understanding. This can save a lot of wasted energy and time, but if there continues to be misunderstandings due to miscommunication, over time may cause the termination of the relationship. Evaluate appropriate levels of self-disclosure in relationships.
Finally, when o meet someone, usually if there is something in common between you two, eventually you let that person know things that you are self- aware of, be it your beliefs, passions, or family. In a sense you are sharing or disclosing yourself when you do this. This happens quite a bit, and it is important to know what to say and when to say it. “As you get to know someone over time and learn to trust him or her, you usually reveal more about your self, so your open area expands and your hidden area becomes smaller. Self-disclosure increases the size of your open area and decreases your hidden area.
In intimate relation ships, the hidden area is likely to be very small. However, we all tend to keep some parts of ourselves hid den, so some things always remain in the hidden area. ” (Sole, K. (201 1)7. 5, Pl 86). It is good to let this process happen slowly. This way if there is resentment towards you, something that had hurt you before, could be used in the same way. Gradually let that person in, because you never really know someone, or how they will react in a given situation. Good and strong relationships take time to build up. Make sure that the people in your life are going to complement you s much as you do them.
VII. Conclusion Thesis Statement rephrased Dear Lens and Christopher. Have been thumbing through some of the key points in Interpersonal Communication course textbook, and you asked me to advise you guys on what I thought were major factors in a working relationship. We all have to learn how to be in tune with one another.